there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
