I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
