It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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