im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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