We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
