I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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