Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
