gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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