you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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