and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
