sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
