i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
