guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
