he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
