Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
