is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
