Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
