cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
