Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
