I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
