Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
