On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dignity is for republicans.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
