The maid of honor just puked.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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