his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize