The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
