oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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