She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
