Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
