i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
