yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
