So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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