Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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