He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
