Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
