Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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