I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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