yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
