so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
