dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk is not a location!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize