Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
