Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
