Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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