Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
