btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
