it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
