Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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