i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
