yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
