i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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