Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
