Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
