My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
