me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
