Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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