road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
