Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
