Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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