So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
