You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize