went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
