Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
