i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
