i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
