did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
