my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
