but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
