The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
