My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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