she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
