A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
