so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
