I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
