He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
