my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
