You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
