6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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