i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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