census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
