She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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