I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I believe in your delicious
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
