Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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