I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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