is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize