i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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