I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
